#61 You Can Be Right...Or You Can Have Peace

The fastest way to lose closeness with your adult child is often the most innocent: trying to help by correcting, explaining, or proving your point. When I hear moms say, “I’m not controlling, I’m guiding,” I believe them and I also see the fallout. Those conversations can leave you feeling tense, unsettled, and confused about why connection feels harder than it used to. 

We dig into the heart of “You Can Have Peace Or You Can Be Right” and why being right is rarely about facts and more about priorities in the moment. I walk through the biggest triggers for family conflict with adult children: finances, career decisions, parenting your grandchildren, and heated opinions about what’s happening in the world. Then we get honest about what’s underneath the need to press the point: ego, fear of losing influence, fear of not being needed, discomfort with disagreement, and the craving for resolution. If you’ve ever replayed a conversation just to think of a better argument, you’ll recognize the pattern. 

I also draw an important line for women of faith: choosing peace doesn’t mean avoiding truth or letting serious issues slide. When safety, integrity, or grave harm is at stake, love may require you to speak up. I share a practical motive check (urgency vs hesitant love) plus steps to respond with clarity: begin with prayer, pause, prepare your words, return to prayer, and ask God for peace regardless of the reaction. Finally, I outline the framework I teach for rebuilding trust: peace first, then connection, then influence. 

If this hits home, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s parenting adult children, and leave a review so more families can find support. What’s one topic you’re ready to stop “winning” so you can protect the relationship?

Click the link below to set up a free discovery call to begin your transformation today.  Or email me @ smurph923.sm@gmail.com to find out more about how I can help.  

https://calendly.com/smurph923-sm/discovery-call

https://sharonkcoaching.com/

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Transcript

Welcome And Core Idea

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to my podcast. My name is Sharon Murphy and I'm a certified life and mindset coach and I help women who seek to be happy and holy. Each week I'll bring you tools and insights to help you on your journey to the heights. I'm so glad you're here. Most moms I talk to are not trying to control their child. They're just trying to help. They're trying to guide, to explain, and to make things clearer. But what they don't realize is those same moments are often the ones that are creating the most distance. Not because they're wrong, but because of what their child is experiencing in those conversations. This is what we're going to be talking about in today's episode, episode number 61 of To the Heights podcast. It's titled You Can Have Peace or You Can Be Right. Welcome back, everybody. Thank you so much for joining me. I'm excited to be talking to you about this today. This phrase, you can be right or you can have peace. I heard this a number of years ago, and the first time I heard it, I was like, huh, that's kind of interesting. And I wasn't sure that I actually understood it to the depth in which it really is meant to be understood. And I think there's a lot of ways the person that I had heard it from, they were using it in a little bit of a different context, but I'm going to use this today because it certainly applies to our relationships. It gets repeated a lot because it kind of captures a quiet but hard truth about all relationships. Being right often comes at the cost of connection, whether we understand that or not. And I'm hoping that by the time we get to the end of today's episode, you'll have a better understanding of this concept as well. Now, at a deeper level, it's really not about being correct. When we talk about being right, what's happening is it's about what you're prioritizing at that moment. So we can see this, we can see this play out really clearly in our world today. It's fairly obvious. It's this need to be right. And it's on display for so many people to see in so many situations that we're exposed to. There's very little concern, though, about connection. And many times there is little desire to connect. And why is that? Well, most of the time it's because we don't know the people that we're engaging with, at least not in a deeper personal way. And I'm talking about what we're experiencing in our world today. But the hard truth is this this is also seeping into the fabric of our own daily lives. And with that I mean our relationships and more importantly, the relationships within our families. And so this is why I want to talk about this today, because I see so many of you who are dealing with conflict within your families, within your relationships with your, especially with your adult children, because that's what I work with women on. But it that often includes, when I say adult children, that includes their spouses. So like your son or daughter-in-law. And then, of course, grandchildren. That's a part of it as well. And what I see so often is moms who are feeling like they must speak up or they must correct. And that that's creating so much disconnection in the relationships. And it's not just moms, it's dads too. I'm just going to direct this towards parents. But when I talk about speaking up and correcting, it's really about sharing what you feel to be right. And what I believe is that that's really just a desire to help. I really believe that's what's underneath it is a desire to help, to share what you believe to be helpful or good. But it doesn't land that way. And what you're left with is feeling tense or confused. And there's a distancing in those relationships. And while you may not recognize exactly that that's what's happening, you know it on some level because it's that feeling of when you walk away from a conversation that you just don't feel very settled. Like you can tell that just didn't land right. Or you feel like you maybe just need to explain it more. Or you're frustrated. There's a tension that you feel. But what happens is really you're starting to lose connection with your child. And that only leads to more fear, more worry, more confusion, and so many other unhelpful emotions. And let's talk about a little bit of when I'm talking about when we might see this.

Where Parents Overstep Most

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This is specifically, it can come up in a lot of different things, but some of the major ones that make the most sense are when your child is making financial decisions. Those are moments where we may feel like we have the right answer or the right way that they should be handling things. And again, I just want to remind you that when I'm talking about this, I'm referring only to our children that are adults. And that's important because when they're under the age of 18, it's absolutely necessary to be guiding them and directing them and helping them. But when our kids are adults, how they choose to spend their money and what they choose to spend their money on, that's a choice that they get to make. Like it or not, that's the truth. Now another area is the career that they're choosing or not choosing. Now you can share your thoughts when appropriate or when it's invited, but your idea of what they should do or should not do or what's right for them or not right for them, it does not make it universally right. That's an area where so many moms, so many of us as parents, can think we have the answers for them. And we try and direct and control and guide. And again, if it's an if it's invited and they're asking you, that's a totally different situation. But when you're having conversations and you can continue to go over these things with them, that's an area where you're overstepping. Now, another area is social or economical events that are taking place. Now, you could argue that there's some moral implications and that certain things are deemed as true or right. And I'm going to get to that a little bit later on. I'm going to get to that shortly, but in this area especially, it's necessary to tread very lightly, as what is right in your eyes may not be right in the eyes of your child. And this is where we need to remember very clearly that just because we perceive something as right, we need to be very careful that, you know, the lens in which we see the world, the lens in which we see everything, doesn't necessarily make it right or true for everyone. And again, I'm going to talk a little bit more about what I mean by that a little bit later on, because I know a lot of people probably know right now are thinking, wait a minute, there are some things that are objectively true and right. So I'll talk about that a little bit later on. But the next area that I see this in is in how they raise their children. Basically, how your children are raising your grandchildren. This one is probably one of the biggest, especially for moms out there. And that can look like things like child care, discipline measures, or lack thereof, decisions on schooling, you know, sleep schedules, all of the things. You get the idea. This is a thing, especially as moms, we hold very tightly to our beliefs about what is right. And this is true. We know this, depending upon where you fall in age right now. But if you're somebody who's listening who has adult children, it's likely you're like a generation Xer or even previous to that, a little bit earlier. Uh baby boomers, I think it's the previous one, or the generation prior. We know this because our parents, when we were younger, when we were having children, I think it's fairly, it's fairly accurate to say that the resources we had in parenting was our parents. There were some books that came out, and I think I can remember myself. There was one called, you know, What to Expect When You're Expecting or What to Expect the First Year. I used that book like it was a Bible. And I I researched things in in books. But now with social media, there's so much outside influence. And that's only just to say that, again, we utilized our parents for the information of how we were to raise our children. We relied on them. And that was the only, that was the only, that was the only information that we had. That was our resources, other than our doctors. So we went to our parents. We went to our moms and asked them questions. And I'm not saying that our children don't do the same. They most certainly do because they're going to ask questions. And that's the whole point. We want them to be coming to us as a resource. But the difference is we want them to be coming to us, not us sharing the information or trying to, I would say, you know, if they have ideas about how they should be raising their children, we have to be very careful when we step in and start to share our beliefs about what we think is right or isn't right. So, you guys, this seems obvious. Those are just some of the areas. There's a lot of different areas that we could get into, but those are some of the main ones when it comes to financial decisions, career choices, things that are happening in the world, and also childcare. Could be things about their marriage as well. Those are just a couple of ideas. And it seems, it seems obvious, but these are so many areas of tension and ultimately what leads to family disconnection. Because as moms, we feel we need to exert what we believe to be right. Like I said, we know this because we've experienced this on the receiving end, likely, from our own parents. So we understand this, and yet we still do it. I do I do it myself. So again, as I say in most episodes, I'm on this journey with you. I'm no expert sitting up here on my panel trying to speak down to you. I'm I'm walking the same path

When Truth Matters More

SPEAKER_00 9:27

with you. Now I'm gonna take a little bit different turn because I just mentioned this previously, and I want to get to this because I know this is probably something that a lot of your minds, if you're like me, it's already going in this direction. And I want you to grab onto what I'm saying for the rest of the episode. So I'm gonna address this right now. I want to address what comes up in. So the full quote finishes with when I say you can be right or you can have peace, and I I should have checked who to attribute this to, but what it finishes with that I don't have in here is you can be right or you can have peace, but you can't have both. And I just I didn't include that because I don't know that I agree with this. Because I do feel that there's times when I think that we need to go in a different direction. We, the end goal isn't always about preserving the relationship or holding your tongue. And I know that goes against what I'm talking about in this episode, but let me explain why. And that is in those situations where you see a loved one who is in grave sin or living in such a way that's harmful or dangerous to them or others, either physically, spiritually, mentally, or emotionally. And I think this is where a lot of you as moms and a lot of us can get stuck, is knowing when to speak up and when not to. And especially as women of faith, we get concerned about moral issues. And so we don't know where that line is, but where we need to protect the relationship or where we need to step in. And so I want to be very clear that in these situations, being right and what I'm trying to convey here, it's not always about being passive or avoiding truth. This is where it can be misunderstood this this comment or at this um particular phrase. It does not mean that we never speak up. It does not mean that we let people walk all over us. And it does not mean that you ignore important issues. What it does mean is that you just choose your battles wisely. And it means that you don't argue just to be validated. And it also means that you know when a conversation is no longer productive. There are moments where being right, it does matter. And there's moments where this is regarding values, safety, and integrity. So, for example, let me give you an example. If you're challenged by someone about your values or moral issues, I don't believe we should ever not speak truth into that situation. But the key here is to be sure of our motives. That's the important piece here. Because even if we want to speak up and share, we need to be very careful. What is behind our motivation? What's actually a good gauge in checking in how motivated we are to be right? And so what do I mean? What do I mean by that? If we're feeling anxious or compelled to share something in a manner of urgency, often, and I say often because it's not always, every circumstance is different. You're gonna have to weigh that out yourself. If you're if you're sensing urgency, that can be a sign that it's our ego or pride that's driving the bust in those moments. Urgency is a kind of a red flag for a lot of our when we want to take action and it's we're overly urgent, God doesn't move. The Holy Spirit doesn't move with that kind of urgency very often. I'm not saying never, because there are times when you may be prompted to react or to act in a certain thing. But in most of our situations, if you're feeling urgent, that's not coming from God. Now, there's also those times when we feel compelled to speak up and basically speak truth, but then we're resistant or hesitant. And this is a sign that we're not motivated by pride or ego, but rather by love. And what do I mean is when we feel or sense that we should speak up, but then we're a little hesitant, it's because we're fearing the other person's reactions. And most of the time, then our motivation is love because we know that the reaction we're gonna get is not a good one. We need to remember that love wills the good of the other. And therefore, it it may not serve you at all personally to share this. That's a good sign that the desire to share this is purely to help the other individual, to help them in a certain way and not driven by pride or ego. And so if you're hesitant, and again, I'm referring to this this particular year, I'm referring only to those situations where their moral implications, where you're concerned about their safety, their physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. That's what I'm talking about here. If you're hesitant, it just may mean that you know the cost of sharing that truth for the sake of the conversation today being right, and that it may cause a temporary strain on the relationship. So I say temporary because in those situations, we do hope that if it's shared in love, the recipient or your child in time will come to see your intent and be able to receive it as such. So I bring this up just because I know so many of you are going to go to this place of wait. Should I never speak up or correct someone if I see them living in such a way that's harmful? Not at all. But what I would say is this if you feel you must speak into their life, I would do these things first. First of all, always begin with prayer. Pray for guidance, pray for clarity, pray for humility, pray for God to reveal your heart and your intentions. That's really important. Take the pause. Just pause and pray for guidance, clarity, for God to reveal your heart and also your intentions. And then after the prayer, wait. And like I said, maybe that should be number one. Maybe it's number one and number three. There's a lot of pausing in this because it's taking the time to reflect. But either way, give yourself some distance or space before you share or respond to your child or loved one. This is really important. It can give you some time to actually pull yourself away from the situation so it's not an emotional response, and you can actually get a better gauge as to what your motivations are. And the next thing is it's just take time to prepare what you're going to say and also how you will respond. You don't want to overplay it, but you want to kind of rehearse the situation so that you're prepared as to how you want to present yourself and also prepare yourself for what the reaction might be. And again, you don't want to overplay this because you don't want to start to go into trying to play out every scenario, you can't do that. But just take a little time before you go and address the situation. And then the next one, return to prayer. This is before you even speak to them. Return to prayer. Ask God to give you the courage and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you when you're speaking. And then finally, ask for peace, no matter what the response is. And that's why I don't agree with that you can't have both. When I'm talking about both, saying you can be right or you can have peace, but you can't have both. I do think you can. I think there are times when it's not about necessarily about you being right, but it's about sharing what's right, sharing the truth. And that no matter what the response is, you can have peace. Because if you're sharing the truth in love and you're asking God to guide you in those moments, no matter what the response is, I believe that you can have peace. God can give you his peace. But there is an important thing to remember here as well is that you need to make sure that you're in a good emotional place, that you're at peace and you're prepared for that person not to receive what you're going to be sharing. Basically, that you're detached from how they're going to react to you. You need to be able to surrender and let it go. And so that's where peace is available to you.

Ego Control And The Real Cost

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So now I want to move back into really the conversation that I really want to hit on today, because this is this is the whole point of today's podcast. So many of us find ourselves going to battle over things that we need to really ask ourselves this specific question. Is this, is this worth losing peace or creating distance in the relationship with my child, my son or daughter, or my son and daughter-in-law, or even if you have grandchildren that are older, the grandchildren, is it worth losing peace in the relationship or peace in my within myself, or creating distance in that relationship? Because for most of the daily interactions and what we were talking about when it comes to finances, childcare, those career choices, it's just noise dressed up as being really important. That's really all it is. Most of it is not that big of an issue. And that's where we start to get to this point of we're trying to exert our own opinions, our own beliefs, because we want to be right. Why do we do this? Well, I'm going to give you a few reasons why I believe. The first one is that it can be about ego versus having peace. So it's wanting to be right can mean often that your ego is involved. And that sounds like I need to prove my point. It can sound like I need to, I need them to see that I'm correct. It can also sound like I can't let this go. Whereas when we come at it from a place of peace, when we decide to choose peace, I should say, that requires something very different. And that requires you to let go of the need to win, letting go of the need to win. And also accepting that not every situation needs a resolution. And that's important because for a lot of us, we feel like we need to have resolution. And then the other thing is choosing calm over being in control. And what you're really getting to is just asking yourself this question is this worth the cost? Is this worth the emotional cost? As I talk about so often on the podcast, it's about, you know, you're not going to know this unless you give yourself a pause before you before you step in. But awareness is the first step. We know this. So just if you're finding yourself feeling very anxious and that you need to prove your point or you're you're going back rehashing things and rediscussing things, that's a good sign that you need to just take pause and say, is this worth what I'm trying to prove? Now the next thing that it does is it can highlight a sense of needing to control versus just accepting. Trying to be right is often an attempt for us to control, to control the narrative, to control the other person's thinking, to control the outcome of the conversation. But when we choose peace, I should say in in this situation where we're choosing to just accept, what we're doing is allowing people to see things differently than we see things. It's accepting that not every misunderstanding is going to be cleared up. Sometimes that's just the way things might end, is in a misunderstanding. And that sometimes needs to be okay. And also accepting that you don't need to be in agreement to be okay in your relationship. I want to say that again. You don't need to be in agreement to be okay in your relationship. That is a very hard truth for so many people in the world today. You can still have strong relationships and be in great relationship and love one another without agreeing with them. So the next thing is it reframes what winning actually means. In arguments, we sort of have this idea that we need to win. And I know that a lot of us would reject this and say, well, that's not me. I don't really care. And yet, if we really analyze our conversations, that is what happens. We try and prove our point, we try to get the last word in, and we're also trying to seek validation. In real life, what winning really looks like is preserving the relationship. That to me, in our family relationships, in our relationships with our adult children, preserving the relationship should look like winning. That should be winning for us. Winning should also also be, excuse me, protecting our own emotional state. Maintaining a sense of peace and calm should look like winning in our conversations. And it should also look like walking away without any inner turmoil. And by that I mean walking away from the conversation without feeling a lot of tension or anxiousness about just wanting to correct or wanting to continue to hit on your point because you want to try and get that across. It's walking away and just having no inner turmoil with that. So in my mind, what that quote is actually saying you can be right or you can have peace, if what it's really saying is you can win the argument and lose your peace, or you can lose the argument and keep your peace. And if that doesn't sit well with you, if that stings, that might be a sign that you're trying to win arguments. Because Losing the argument might mean winning the relationship. And again, I'm just talking about those areas where there's no moral implications, right? And we talked about that a little earlier. But anyway, so you may be thinking, it's not a big deal. I just want them to know X, Y, Z. Could be anything. And that's often how it goes. I'm in a conversation and we're talking about something. It comes up about a financial decision they made. And you're thinking, well, I'm not not trying to ruin the relationship. I'm just going to share this information and I'm going to prove, you know, tell them why, even if you're trying to be subtle, they will pick up on it, why what they did doesn't make sense. And that's how it goes. We're just having a conversation. You're hitting on a certain point, you're sharing, maybe resharing your opinions on their choices that they're making, and you're coming at it from different angles. But what you don't realize is this it's not just this one time that you're doing this. It's likely happening in most of your conversations.

The Brick Wall And Repair

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And these moments, they build upon each other. It's like, think of it like this: it's like you're laying bricks on a wall. And eventually that wall is what's going to stand between you and your child. Every time you're having those conversations and you're, let's just say, exerting your opinion, you're trying to prove that your way of living, your way of believing is right. You're trying to, I would say, overshare what you believe to be correct or correcting them. Those are all bricks that you're putting on a wall. And every conversation you have, it continues to build. It continues to build. And the unfortunate thing is that it can happen very, very innocently, but that wall, once it's built, it takes time to tear down. So just don't put those bricks there in the first place. And if you find yourself doing there, it's okay. Just it's okay to go back and apologize if you've caught yourself doing that. Admitting your mistakes and apologizing to your adult child goes a long way. Don't ever underestimate that. And one other thing that I need to be clear about is that when I'm sharing this about ego and pride, I want to, I'm not insinuating that being right is about, is about moms or parents who are egotistical or narcissistic people. Because I don't believe that's true, at least, at least for majority of you. What I do believe is this is that those patterns of showing up, while the ego may be in charge at times, right? We're human, that's part of our fallen nature. I believe there's some underlying drivers that is what's causing us to show up in that way and to try and be right. The number one being fear. And so what are you fearing? Well, I what I what I believe and what I see is that it's a fear of what you see playing out in the life of your child. It's a fear that you may sense them pulling away and that you're losing them. And so then all of a sudden you become desperate to try and fix things. It's a fear of not being needed. Now remember, we've spent our entire lives being needed by these children. And all of a sudden that can feel very scary and very helpless. And so when we start to fear that we're not needed, we can go into a mode of trying to step in and show our value or make ourselves needed rather. There's also a fear of losing control, which is very similar to being needed. And there's there's many others, but those are just a fear, few. Now, beyond fear, it can also be driven by identity. And your identity is meaning that you think it's your job. You still think it's your role to tell them what they should be doing or what they shouldn't be doing. I think this is a big one. I think it's a big one. Another one is being driven by the discomfort that you feel from disagreements. And you may struggle to just let things rest in disagreement. And I know, I know I do. That's a big one for me. I have a hard time when people are in disagreement. And so I try and bring things to a resolution, which leads me to the next one. It can also be driven by a need for resolution. Some of you are wired to need things to be completed or to see things through to the end and to see it finished or a resolution, basically. And so there's this desire to keep things, keep at things, or to keep going overboard, improving your point. And so that our kids finally get to a point of where they just agree. That's and that can feel safe for us. So just to be clear, this desire to be right or to be heard, it isn't about, you know, thinking that you're a big no at all, as we used to say. It's not about trying to puff yourself up most often. It's driven by a deep desire to be valued. What I believe to be a great source of influence in the lives of our children and grandchildren. And by influence, I just mean this. We have a deep desire to help, to guide, to mentor, to lead, which brings me to the next point. The desire to be valued or seen or heard, it seems right because it's a basic need. It's a basic human need. And then the desire to be the greatest source of influence in the lives of our children or grandchildren, that also is appropriate. I believe if we're living according to God's design, this is his plan for us. This is his plan for families and the way things are set

Peace Connection Then Influence

SPEAKER_00 27:24

up. So how do we get to this place? What if we're saying to ourselves, right, but they don't listen to me. They don't want to come to me. Well, that's the issue. Because this is a process. There's things that need to be in place before this can happen. Before you become the person of influence in your child's life, the greatest influence, there's some things that need to be in place for that to happen. And unfortunately, most of us as moms, what I see is that we try and start with influencing them. And yet we need to take a few steps back. We need to make sure that we're coming from a clean place. But also we need to make sure that our relationship is intact. So it starts with coming from a clean emotional place in all of your encounters, not just when you want to share information. And over time, when you learn to come from a place of peace and calm, that builds trust. And trust is absolutely necessary, as is safety. Trust and safety go hand in hand to build strong relationships and deep connection. And from there, you'll move naturally to a place of influence. And so I share this specific framework in my six-week program called Calm and Connected. And it's the framework that I use to take moms who are struggling with their adult child relationships. You guys, this season of motherhood, it can be challenging and it's a big change from your previous role as a mom. It's essential that you start from a place of peace. It's essential, which is really just about you, you doing your inner work, working on your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, how you're showing up, and also regulating your nervous system. It's very, very important. And then it moves to connection. From there, when you've done your work and you're that's not a one-time thing, it's a continual thing. But when you've established that as the base, doing your own work, then it's about moving into the relationship with your child, which is connection. This is also about getting clear about what is not yours to control, which is their thoughts, feelings, and actions, which is often what we're trying to exert when we think we're we're right. We're trying to control their thoughts, feelings, and actions. And so that's the second part of this. But then there's also some practical communication and relationship skills that we need to develop that a lot of us we either know and have forgotten because it's with our children and their family. We forget that they're adults. We might have those relationship skills with other people, but somehow we've forgotten to carry that into the relationship with our adult children. Or maybe we've never learned them. That's possible as well. And then finally it lands with influence, which is where we want to arrive. Because if we're being honest, we do want to be the person of big the biggest influence in the lives of our child. We really do. And again, what is influencing? It's helping, guiding, mentoring, leading. That's what influence is. But if if we really are honest, we don't just want influence. What we really desire through all of this is peace. We want peace in our lives. Everybody does. And we certainly desire a deep connection and strong relationships with our children and our family. And so all of these are necessary and all build upon each other. So to circle back, I know your heart's in the right place. You want all that I've just mentioned. And so when you find yourself trying to prove a point, you find yourself correcting, trying to control the outcome of the conversation. You find yourself working really hard to get them to see your side. And how do you know if you're doing this? Well, if you're having thoughts like, what are they thinking? Or how can they? You kind of are annoyed or frustrated by their decisions or their actions, you're heading into danger zone. You're heading into a danger zone. So these are thoughts that are going to lead to emotions that are going to drive actions that we've just been talking about. So this is a good time to take a pause and ask yourself, is it worth risking the relationship and losing your peace over? And I just want to remind you to look at the big picture, or as I like to say often, look at the long game. Just remember this is a long game. Are you willing to risk the relationship just to be right? Are you willing to sacrifice peace, connection, and influence just so that you can be right in this moment? And if so, if you feel like it's something you need to speak up and say, just be very intentional about what bricks you're laying

Program Guide And Closing

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down. Now, if you want to learn more about my six-week program, the one I just mentioned, called Calm and Connected, you can email me at info at Sharon Kcoaching.com. That's info at Sharon Kcoaching.com. And you can also check out my free guide. You guys, I put together a free guide and it's titled The Five Things Your Adult Child Needs to Hear From You. And I'll include the link in the show notes. And so you can go ahead and grab that. That's also a great resource. And until next time, onward and upward, my friends, to the heights. Thanks so much for listening today. If you have any questions or would like to go deeper into this topic or how it affects you in your own life, you can find me at SharonKcoaching.com. That's Sharon the Letterk Coaching.com. If you've enjoyed listening, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite platform. And feel free to share with anyone you think might benefit from what you've heard.